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Excerpt Sample 1 from the book, Liars, Cheaters and Gaslighters.
When you report abuse and rape be prepared for the following to happen with your abuser, I will cover the broken legal process in another chapter. -The ‘alleged’ perpetrator will use the excuses listed in the Rape Culture article by Marshall University to try silence you, by discrediting and shaming you. They will blame you for the abuse they inflicted but will fail to accept responsibility for their actions that caused your normal response to their abuse, this is known as “reactive abuse.” They will launch a smear campaign with their friends, family and new ‘supply’ and tell them you are crazy and they did not do anything to warrant you getting upset. -The ‘alleged’ perpetrator will scrutinize your mental state and say you were becoming unstable. They will twist the story by leaving out dates on any evidence they produce which makes it difficult to nail down a timeline. Just as they confused you during the relationship, they will spin text messages and voice messages you sent based off the reactive abuse as mentioned above to make it look like you were the aggressor then use this against you and report you to the police for harassment. The reality is you just got sick of their abuse, lies, cheating, gaslighting and blatant disrespect so you stood up for yourself and fought back. When an abusive toxic person can no longer control or manipulate you, they will resort to known abuser tactics and try to control how others see you. Just as they lied and gaslit you, they will lie and gaslight the police, the Judges and their attorney. - If you are successful at obtaining a restraining order, even a temporary one, this will take the gaslighers fuel away because access to you will now come with a high price tag, jail. Sometimes, getting the law involved is the only way to pull the emergency break to get off their marry-go-round abuse cycle to save your own life. If you decide to get the law involved, it comes with a hard warning label covered in the next bullet points. - When you are dealing with highly toxic people, such as narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths and you decided to stand up for yourself and get the law involved, this will set off these highly toxic people and a new campaign of abuse will ensue against you. The ‘alleged’ perpetrator will file for a retaliatory restraining order, they typically do not get them unless they can prove reasonable danger. - If you go public with your story, even if you do not use their name, they will file frivolous lawsuits to further abuse and terrorize you in an attempt to silence you and infringe on your first amendment rights. As I mentioned above, when they cannot control you anymore, they will try to control how others see you. Abusive litigation is a very public way for these evil demons to do this. To a highly toxic person, their reputation and how others perceive them is more important to them than taking responsibility for their abusive behavior that caused you to go public in the first place. A highly toxic person will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees just to avoid taking responsibility for their evil and insidious actions because you pulled their mask off and now they must destroy you because you publicly exposed them for who they really are. - When you stand up for yourself it means the abuser’s grooming tactics finally failed and you saw through their lies, gaslighting and manipulation and you escaped their imprisonment of abuse. This will not sit well with these toxic people, they are vengeful, egotistical train recks and they do not care who they destroy in their path while trying to regain control of a narrative they concocted to make you look crazy. Standing up for yourself, contradicted the lies they told, you disrupted their narrative with your side of the story. - If you are the first person to come forward and report an abuser, more than likely you will not see conventional justice. Your justice will come in knowing because you were brave enough to stand up for yourself, they are now on the authority’s “radar.” These toxic people will feel empowered that they got away with it and they will do it again, they cannot help themselves. So, while you may not get legal justice, your report will help someone else get theirs and there is a sense of justice in knowing your strength and courage was the first nail in the abuser’s coffin. An empowered abuser will always over play their hand. Eventually, you will not only get a front row seat to their karma, you will get a VIP backstage pass to it. - Remember when going public with your story, talking about the things the abuser has done to you is not a smear campaign you are not humiliating the abuser by telling your story. You are bringing awareness to someone’s abusive actions and behavior. If you telling your story makes the abuser uncomfortable, then maybe they should not have done it and they should reevaluate how they treat others. Just do not hold your breath on this type of self-reflection, these toxic people never self-reflect beyond a superficial level and their apologies are as empty as their words and their hearts. Do not be fooled by the tears they can produce on demand; it is all an act to gain empathy also commonly referred to as “supply” or attention from others. They love playing the victim, but the reality is they are the villain in more than one person’s story, the abuse did not start with you, and it will not end with you. As for me, I do not regret coming forward to tell my story, even though I faced everything mention above and before I went public with my story, I had people tell me be careful of the storm, my response, I am the storm. Disclaimer: For legal reasons it is important to note temporary restraining orders (TRO's) are granted when the judge feels the victim's safety is in jeopardy, it does not mean the victims claims where fully vetted and the perpetrator is guilty; however, if a TRO is violated the person it is against can be arrested. Also, my perpetrator was never ‘charged’ with abuse or rape due to the flawed legal system, administered through poorly written legislation that protects abusers and punishes victims. Combined with the Rape Culture bias in society, as identified by Marshall University Women’s Center, has made it impossible for District Attorneys to find a jury to convict a rapist when their victims where in a relationship with them. Statistics show in 80% of reported rapes, the victim knows the perpetrator and only 5 out of every 1,000 rapes reported get prosecuted, even less actually get convicted of the crime of rape. Poorly written and managed laws are not the fault of the victim and lack of prosecution and or a conviction does not mean the perpetrator is innocent and free from the crime their victim has accused them of doing.